im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So much rum. So many feels.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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