Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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