Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
