Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
