never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
