he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
