my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
