If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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