You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
