how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
