First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
