Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
