OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
