i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
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