you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize