I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
high people should be assigned attendants
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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