And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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