I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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