tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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