Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You may now shotgun with the bride
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize