i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
