hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
