Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
