READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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