Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
