I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
