How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
