Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
