Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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