My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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