Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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