he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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