Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
