The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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