you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
