Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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