Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
