you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
No subtext here. People are naked.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
