When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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