Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
