How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
