"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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