Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
