We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
