Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize