I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
