Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
