you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
time to smoke my breakfast
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
