I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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