i think my tv is drunk
I CAN MOONWALK!
My Higher Power is John Stamos
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
