I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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