if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
