dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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