I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
