actually, I'm a sock model
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
