Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
