I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
