I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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