so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
