Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
