So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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