dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
