I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Randomize
