I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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