Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
