I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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