i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I supernannyed him into submission
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
