if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
