even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Damn victory sex feels great
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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