I'm really into asian looking animals
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
