weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
