im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Blood and glitter go together right?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
