good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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