My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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