She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
