Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
