things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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