never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Holy shit dude........stairs
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
