very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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